Life hacks

Things you should totally try because they’re good ideas.

24/1/22 – Use your diet to save the environment

Pescetarian? Vegan? Vegetarian? Do you want an environment-saving diet, and you’re not overly worried about malnourishment?

Become a pestitarian. Only eat rabbits, cane toads, prickly pear. Olives… Younger sisters. Cats.

I’m not going to do it, but neither do I harp on endlessly about how important the environment is.

16/3/22 – Toothpaste is not the only product in tubes

There are multiple products that come in tubes, but only some of them are recommended for the cleaning of teeth.

Now, you may think that’s obvious. And you would be right. But it is also important and only a little application of the imagination will reveal why.

So don’t leave DeepHeat on the bench in the bathroom and/or don’t clean your teeth without first turning on the light.

25/3/22 – Never self-comment. Ever

If you happen to be someone who writes opinion articles, I have this recommendation for you. Never ever respond to the comments underneath any of your own articles.

That way madness lies.

Instead, create an anonymous account and start bagging other people’s articles. It’s cathartic.

13/1/22 – If you disagree with something, call it propaganda

Oh sure, you recommend “exercising to get fit”. Look at this guy with his Propaganda. What is this, the new Pravda?

At this stage, the word propaganda just means “saying something that you want other people to believe”. But it implies that you don’t give a rats posterior whether it is or isn’t actually true. Handy.

1/1/22 – Keep twitter positive, only troll using limericks

I just saw a post that was scum,
from an idiot beating his drum.
When I said ‘you’re absurd’,
he replied, ‘you’re a turd’,
so I added critique of his mum.

International trolling lymericks day? Anyone?

10/12/21 – Use pretentious Latin phrases in your writing to look smart

Beginner: et. al.; ad lib; quid pro quo
Advanced: reductio ad absurdum; a priori; non sequitur
Get off my planet:tabula rasa; stricto sensu; acceptissima semper munera sunt, auctor quae pretiosa facit

Never provide a translation.